10 more things a Scrum Master can do to drive the team crazy
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- Get your own office, if possible in a different city or even country. Working at the same location as your team could be harmful.
- Count the number of finished tasks per team member and confront those lazy buggers with the obvious low performance.
- Try to restrict communication with the team to email only. You don’t want to hear their whiny voices.
- Don’t tell the team what you are working on. Transparency only applies to the rest of the team.
- Always cite the Scrum guide if members don’t stand to the Scrum rules. Continuous repetition will help raising the team’s understanding for this process.
- If a team member has a question, point them to Google. Google has all the answers, right?
- Ignore the Product Owner. It is his responsibility to create and maintain the backlog, not yours.
- Don’t attend the Sprint Review. It is a meeting exclusively between the PO and the team.
- Nurture your lack of interest about the product the team is building. This is something the PO has to take care of.
- Bring drums to the team’s office and play them like on a slave ship. Every good team needs a beat.
I’m looking forward to your additions in the comments