Hiring My Cat as a Software Developer
Hiring My Cat as a Software Developer
In this article, see how a developer hired his cat to work for him.
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Meet Samson. Samson is a cat, more specifically a Faelis Feline. You can see a picture of Samson below. Since it seems to be popular to work from home these days, I figured I'd hire my cat as a software developer. That way, I can lay around in my hammock, enjoying the sun, while my cat does all the heavy lifting. Whenever it's time to pay salary, all I need to do is to open a box a Whiskas, and voila! Salary paid!
The idea came from the following logical chain of arguments.
- I can't tell my cat what to do
- I can't tell my software developers what to do
- Hence, my cat must be a software developer
Pretty obvious once you think about it, right...?
I am, therefore, looking for more cats to employ, as senior software developers, to create beautiful purrs of software systems that I can sell to my customers so that I can become rich! Muahahahahaha (evil laughter!)
If you are a cat and you are reading this right now, feel free to apply for a job on my team, where Samson will be project lead, and you might be one of the lucky few making the cut, enjoying a life full of lots of purrs and tons of cat food. After all, creating hundreds of thousands of lines of code and beautifully following all lint standards is as simple as clicking a button. Don't believe me? Realize the following was created by clicking a button, hence I no longer see any needs to employ expensive (human) software developers.
They'll only beg for more salary and demand coffee and free pizza when working overtime. Much more financially viable to simply hire a bunch of cats. Below you can watch one of Samson's teammates working on some Angular and .Net Core-based enterprise applications.
Below you can see one of these software systems that was in fact created by my cat. This particular system is a movie rental database system, based upon MySQL's Sakila database. However, any database structure can be used for both MS SQL and MySQL to create the end result.
You see, Magic will literally allow you to create a complete .Net Core-based backend and a complete Angular based front by literally clicking a button. This is due to that it reads metadata from your database, which it consumes to create backend CRUD operations towards your database, which it again consumes to create Angular components and services. So even though it will produce about 15.000 lines of code for a database with 80-100 tables, it will do so by having my cat click a simple button, so I figured I no longer need software developers as long as I can teach my cat to click that button. If you can additionally teach your cat how to construct a simple group by SQL statement, extracting a key/value pair from your data, you can even have it create beautiful charts, such as the following illustrates. And even if you can't teach your cat SQL, you could probably teach it to simply copy and paste SQL example snippets from StackOverflow or something, right ...?
The idea was actually conceptualized by taking the observer design pattern to its extreme, to the point where I could create a Turing complete programming language, where each "keyword" in the language was literally loosely coupled together, as simple event sinks. I refer to this process as Super Signals. The programming language I call Hyperlambda. But I suspect its common name will become "Mjau-Lambda" after today for obvious reasons. Below is an example of the code generated for the HTTP GET verb or the "read" operation.
The above will again translate into a valid SQL select statement and automatically transform the results of that select into an array of JSON objects. Below is an example of how it will look in the Angular frontend parts of the equation. This — internally in its Angular component — is tied together using a Material Table that is automatically data-bound, or "reactively" bound if you wish, towards all HTTP REST endpoints created in your Hyperlambda backend. And everything magically happens by simply clicking a button, which I am pretty confident I can teach Samson how to do if I just use positive feedback loops connected to my Whiskas feeding device :)
The Sakila system, for instance, contains the same amount of code that a software developer on average would need about 3 months to create according to research in the area. However, Samson created it in 20 seconds. Would it be unfair of me then to invoice my client €20.000? Hmm. Maybe I should avoid getting greedy; better give him a good price. I think I'll send him a smaller invoice for only €18.000. After all, it's not like I did any work myself, right ...? ;)
Feel free to send me an email if you're a cat and you're looking for work, that way I'll feed you a can of Whiskas per day while invoicing my customers about 40 trillion dollars for the work you do in every single day. Mjaauus and Whiskas for you, dollars for me :)
Muhahahahaha (evil laughter 2.0)
Puuh, it's exhausting clicking that button. Below you can see me and one of my colleagues who's name is Happy, taking a catnap after an exhausting 5 seconds of work...
By the way, happy April Fools Day ;)
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