Although it's simple to generate Laplacian random values, the Laplace distribution is not always one of the built-in options for random number generation libraries.
There are plenty of ways that apps can unintentionally misuse databases. When the abuses are pervasive, you can catch them by means of a few deft queries on various DMOs.
Window functions and CTEs have been a mainstay of many popular DB products for some time now. With the release of MySQL v8 and MariaDB 10.2.0, both vendors have caught up with competing DBMSes.